May 2012
Short Stories

Fun House

February 23rd, 2012

No one ever wants to admit they’ve become boring. We live in our own heads, walking around thinking we are the most exciting people on earth, when in reality, we’ve just fallen victim to mundane routines. The only time we ever come to grips with reality is when someone we care about tells us just how boring we actually are, and even then it’s hard for us to believe. “Me? Boring?” We ask. “How can that be? I’m one of the most exciting and spontaneous persons that ever lived!” we say. Then it hits us. “Maybe I have become a little boring…” And when this moment of clarity finally does hit us, it’s then that we want to change and prove to everyone that they’re in fact, totally wrong.

Some of us go to extremes to prove how exciting we can be. Some of us jump out of planes, others choose from a wide variety of death defying stunts to prove to themselves that they have not, in fact, become boring. But ultimately, some of us just can’t decide what to do to be more fun. Some of us just sit around and wait for that one exciting person to come along. The one that will show us exactly what we’ve been missing out on this whole time, denying the inevitable truth that they have become quite lame. They just coast through life with the same job they despise, trapped in the same passionless relationship they always complain about, but just can’t seem to leave.

With that said, there are two types of people in this world, the bored, and the truly boring. The bored get out and find fun, the truly boring just wait around and complain that there’s never anything fun to do. I used to say “only the boring are bored”, but that in fact isn’t true. Only the boring STAY bored. We’ve all been bored once or twice in our lives, and believe it or not, that’s when we’ve had some of our most creative and exciting ideas. On the other hand, we’ve all been truly boring once or twice in our lives as well. It’s up to us to look at ourselves in the mirror once in a while and ask ourselves, “Am I actually having fun?” and if we aren’t, do something about it!

#PrincessProblems

February 23rd, 2012

Aileen is a real life princess. She lives in a magnificent castle in a not so far away land. One day she will be Queen. Until she is crowned, she practices her royal ways by ruling her high school and other social circles in her kingdom (Yes, I said high school). Everyone wants to court her, boys and girls alike, and are willing to fight for her honor. With so many choices of suitors, a princess is wise to be weary of those she gives her heart too. Some want her for her body, others for her social standing in the kingdom, and then, there are the rare few out there who see her and love her for who she truly is. It’s hard for a young princess to decipher between who is true of heart and who the social climbing seducers are, so she treats everyone equally. Some would say it’s “being a bitch”, but to her, it’s royal. At age 16 however, these types of issues rarely cross her mind because there are so many other things she has to worry about. For example…

1. When Selena Gomez will finally break up with Justin Beiber, so she can finally sleep better at night.
2. Finding the perfect fake ID so that she can party at LIV when Swedish House Mafia is in town.
3. Debating with her friends on who would make a better parent, Beyonce, Snoooki, Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton.
4. Finding the perfect pair of Christian Louboutins, but realizing they don’t have her size.
5. Taking way to much time in a tanning bed and turning the color of an Oompa Loompa.
6. Whether or not to take a bite of chocolate ice cream, because it will ruin the new diet she’s been on for the past 3 months.
7. How to convince everyone not to go to to that bitch Rachael’s birthday party cause it falls on the same day as her Saturday night martini mixer.
8. What color dress she should wear to the prom, pink, blue, purple, red, white, or “all of the above.”
9. How to get revenge on the girl who hacked her Facebook page and told everyone she shops at Goodwill.
10.What kind of car her daddy will be getting her for her Bday: The Benz, The Jaguar, or the pink punch buggy with the Betsy Johnson paint job and the Louis Vuitton seats.

As you can see, there’s way too many things going on in the life of a Princess so please, high schoolers, don’t be discouraged if she forgets to text you back.

No Sleep

September 18th, 2011

This king size bed is way too big to be sleeping in alone, although I’m not tossing and turning without you. I’m actually sleeping quite soundly now. When you were here we stayed up all night. And not just the sex kept us up, but the long hours of conversation followed by intense make-outs and spooning didn’t necessarily help me get much sleep. Then when I finally would pass out, it seemed like just minutes later your alarm clock would go off and it was time for you go to school or work again, but not without some more amazing morning sex before your coffee. “Fuck it”, I’d say. “I’m up now, why go back to sleep? The day is new, and the early bird catches the worm.”

I wonder how your sleeping now? You never were one for partying, so your probably in bed at a reasonable hour unlike me. I can’t believe how many “likes” you got on facebook when you changed your relationship status to “single.” I’m sure your friends are happy to see you again, you always seem to abandon them whenever you meet someone new your sleeping with they’d say. I missed your calls the other night because the music in the club was way too loud. You missed mine because of all the studying you have to do for these college exams. The “Sleep Well” text’s we sent each other just don’t seem as real as hearing each others voices before bed. I can’t deny it anymore, I miss you.

The girl sleeping in my bed now keeps me up at night again, but not in a good way. She tosses, turns, and kicks in her sleep like you always told me I did. I guess I know how it feels now. She can’t kiss me the way you could, in fact, we hardly kiss at all. The sex is still great though, but hey, you taught me alot of tricks to use. I can only imagine the pleasures that the guy sleeping with you now is feeling, although he’s probably not getting much sleep. I see your friends at the club all the time now and they tell me how happy you are, but they wish you’d just stay single for more than a month’s time.

The more I think about you now, the more I can’t sleep. Yet whenever we were together, the more I couldn’t sleep. But hey, who needs sleep when we’re together anyway?

Photo by: Nick Flash for www.Mofos.com

Text Games.

September 18th, 2011

When a girls bored she’ll text. Girls can text 3x’s faster and 5x’s more people than any man can ever hope to. It’s part of evolution. Beepers slowly turned into two-way pagers, and then beeper codes were slowly transformed into text messages, then finally cell phones where able to send texts, and here we are today. But if your with a girl and she’s texting, evolution cannot change the fact that she’s straight up bored. You’ll see pretty girls everywhere texting so as to avoid the everyday human interaction, and the chance that they might get hit on.

You’ll even see girls texting in packs, for example, you’ll probably see a group of 4 teenage girls walking through the mall, each texting someone and not even talking to one another. Or you’ll see a group of coworkers on a train, all texting away because they can’t stand another conversation with the same people they see in the office day in and day out. Now with smartphones, texting has turned into social networking, emailing and even twittering, which makes it %100 more likely that you’ll see people out in public with their face buried in their phones.

Still, with all this technological advancement, it still doesn’t change the fact that if a girl is on her phone, she’s probably bored with whatever is going on around her. As guy’s, that’s where we come in. If you can somehow manage to be more entertaining than whatever or whoever is distracting her on the phone, then she’s all yours! I mean, girls just wanna have fun, so all we really have to do is be more fun than whatever is going on in her phone. But then, when your not around, you have to make sure your texts are more entertaining than her everyday life! It’s a constant back and forth.

Fuck, Can’t we just call each other anymore?!

Picture by Lex of 8mts.com

Anthony Nicholas


Nick Flash

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